On my way home tonight I was disappointed in my music options, so I stepped outside of my box and found myself enjoying a song by Brad Paisley called "Then". It was during this song that I realized how if I could pick any genre, I would want my life to be a country love song. They just have a way of making the simplest of things sound dreamy and romantic.
Now, as I type this I have my latest favorite Mraz song playing and it's hard to believe I was able to get the above paragraph out. For as long as I can remember (I know, that doesn't mean much) Josh and I have joked about "our" song, the song we'll dance to one day when we become man and wife; I have found that song. Or, I have found the song I want that to be so very badly. Sadly, Josh can't stand Mraz strictly because I have an unconditional, undying, unstoppable love for him. Yes, it's that serious. In reality, such a song will be chosen days before the dance occurs. But for those who know me, I've dreamt of my wedding since I knew I'd be a princess on that day with a big white dress, hair in curls, and a tiara. I've heard hundreds of songs between then and now that I've imagined dancing to. I've dreamt of it all. I just about had a wedding planned (not literally but in my head) until Josh came around. And then it all slowly started to change. The details fell away and all that matters is keeping what we have, growing and learning, being better individually and together.
*One. Day. At. A. Time.*
Just working on today is hard, it's emotional, and it's raw because it's right this moment, now. Living in tomorrow allows me to worry, to worry about every single detail, even those I have zero control over. Living in yesterday allows me to relive my mistakes and beat myself up for not doing better, not knowing better.
Look at that, country love song to I suck. I'm certain this has an awful tone and for that I apologize. I'm not feeling awful right now. I'm feeling enlightened by how true the words I type are. How easy it is to say I want to live in today, for today, and just today ... but as bedtime approaches I am finding myself thinking about the 100 things that have very little with today.
I have half a mind to delete all these words, but that'd be giving into my isolating tendency. I don't type for you, I type for me. I type to get out of my head what I can't find the courage to put into words and say. You will form opinions of me along this journey, some good, some bad. Most of the things you think about me I have already thought about myself. Today I think I'm growing, even if it's just a baby step, it's in the right direction.
**I live every moment to say
How much I love this day
There are no obstacles in our way
No mountains to climb
Everything that I look at is a blessing
Carrying us to build our very strengths
There's no accidents there's only what is
Go on and ask me then who I am**
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