While I was taking a fb break I started "blog stalking". Little less fun because I couldn't exactly choose who I stalked and I most certainly have never met the people I was "stalking". However, in stalking I discovered that there are four major blog topics: faith/religion, food/recipes, babies/children/family, and complaining. Now of course these topics can overlap at any time, and the faith blogs are really the only ones that veered from "topic" the least. So why do I even bring this up ... well I've found that coming up with things to blog about hasn't gotten any easier with a few months time. I don't know enough about JC to start preaching to others. Although as time goes by He will be mentioned. The only thing I know how to cook is mac and cheese from a box, grilled cheese sandwich, or scrambled eggs. I'm also not nearly daring enough (yet) to venture down the road of learning how to cook. Josh is a wonderful cook ... why kick him out of the kitchen to create something 1/4 as good. Babies have no interest to me. I like other people's babies, most especially those of who I consider myself related. But none for me please. And lastly ... my life rocks. Plus I'm a firm believer that you bring in what you put out. Why the heck would I push negative all over just to have it come back around?
Don't get it twisted, I have tough moments, bad days, cranky attitudes. But at no point during any of that do I sit back and think "my life is the worst, ever". It is so very far from it.
So back to my struggle to find a topic. I'll think of something to type about throughout my day and I should really jot them down, because it is guaranteed that I will forget. Writing them down might prove to be helpful.
And I need all the help I can get with blogging, lol. I am currently looking up live music on YouTube, having my own private concert at the dinner table. I need a concert to look forward to like Oregon needs some sun already!
I have come up with an idea ... a stolen idea from one of my stalking victims. She is a mom and she was doing a "52 weeks with my kids" project. Now I only have Eli as a "kid" and although that might be an interesting entry for a week or two, it would quickly get dull. So I thought I'd do "52 weeks with KME". Some weeks may be quiet and not have a lot of action, but the point isn't necessarily to be thrilling (although that'd be nice for you), the point is to get this blogging thing down as a habit and share my antidotes on life, my life.
There are a few things I'll need to do in order to make this happen:
1. Use my camera. I love seeing ppl's pictures as I stalk them. Plus it may make my blog more appealing. Maybe I'll get more followers! :)
2. Learn how to post the pictures I take. You'd think this would be easy, but I need to be shown something to actually catch on long enough to repeat it. Luckily I know two of the bloggers I stalk and they both post pics.
3. Actually follow through with at least one weekly entry to make this project a reality.
I think I can do that. Yep ... I can.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
I am loved
Today has started out beautifully. I took Betty into MINI for her annual oil change and maintenance and it's going to cost LESS than originally thought! Then I walked in the sunshine down to the nearest Starbucks and now I'm that girl, blogging at Starbucks. Oh how I have longed for this day!
This is how I imagine "bloggers". They sit in coffee shops with their Apple laptops and type the most intriguing thoughts. Not that mine will be intriguing ... but I feel as though i'm on a whole new level, lol. How pathetic am I?
Last night I was lucky enough to sit down with six of my dear friends to celebrate my birthday. Friends has been a topic I have thought about blogging on often but simply hasn't happened. I wanted to be able to give it time and let my words be well thought out.
Most of my closest girlfriends I met in high school. I recall upon graduation some family members telling me that I'd lose these friends who had become like family to me to their new college friends, and that college is where you make your best friends. I didn't go to college. Today I believe this was a ploy to entice me to go, but back then I thought I was truly going to lose all my girlfriends to these new college friends, people who were smarter and better than me.
It's been 12 years since I graduated high school and I talk to the 6 closest from high school weekly, if not daily. I am also lucky enough to see most of them (5) on a weekly basis as well. Although I missed them while I was in Colorado I don't think I truly knew how much until I came back home, and even to this day, it constantly makes me grateful for our bond.
Last night was one more reason to put them at the top of my gratitude list. We dined at a little italian spot in the Pearl District, ate delicious food, laughed, and made another memory for the books. I love them, they are my chosen family ... well semi chosen. JC gets more credit for them being in my world than I do, however we have put in the work to keep our bond. Our paths are forever changing and our friendship is always evolving, but that's what makes it so beautiful. I lean on them for advice and they lean on me. I would not be who I am today without them. Simple as that.
This is how I imagine "bloggers". They sit in coffee shops with their Apple laptops and type the most intriguing thoughts. Not that mine will be intriguing ... but I feel as though i'm on a whole new level, lol. How pathetic am I?
Last night I was lucky enough to sit down with six of my dear friends to celebrate my birthday. Friends has been a topic I have thought about blogging on often but simply hasn't happened. I wanted to be able to give it time and let my words be well thought out.
Most of my closest girlfriends I met in high school. I recall upon graduation some family members telling me that I'd lose these friends who had become like family to me to their new college friends, and that college is where you make your best friends. I didn't go to college. Today I believe this was a ploy to entice me to go, but back then I thought I was truly going to lose all my girlfriends to these new college friends, people who were smarter and better than me.
It's been 12 years since I graduated high school and I talk to the 6 closest from high school weekly, if not daily. I am also lucky enough to see most of them (5) on a weekly basis as well. Although I missed them while I was in Colorado I don't think I truly knew how much until I came back home, and even to this day, it constantly makes me grateful for our bond.
Last night was one more reason to put them at the top of my gratitude list. We dined at a little italian spot in the Pearl District, ate delicious food, laughed, and made another memory for the books. I love them, they are my chosen family ... well semi chosen. JC gets more credit for them being in my world than I do, however we have put in the work to keep our bond. Our paths are forever changing and our friendship is always evolving, but that's what makes it so beautiful. I lean on them for advice and they lean on me. I would not be who I am today without them. Simple as that.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Third Decade
Just like that, 24 hours go by, and I'm 30 years old.
There is in fact a different feeling. I feel more secure in who I am, more comfortable in what I've accomplished or haven't accomplished. I am happy where I stand, and that's a great feeling.
While Josh and I were on vacation I thought about many subjects to blog about, but as you've come to expect, i've forgotten them by now. However gratitude is something I think everyone can relate to. I try to find one specific thing to be grateful for each night when I talk to JC. Of course I thank Him for my life, those that I love, our health, a good day, generic things. But I try to zero in on one thing that stood out more than the rest. Birthdays are a good time to look back at what we came from, where we are now, what we've been through to get where we are. So here is a short list of some things I'm grateful for today (no particular order (that'd be insane)).
1. Elinore being a good girl while we were gone on vacation. Seeing her stinky face.
2. Coming home to a clean home, coming home to a home.
3. Our vacation and quality time spent together.
4. All those that took a moment to wish me a happy day yesterday & made me feel special.
5. Dinner with two of my favorite men.
6. Waking up to a voicemail from Quam (my nickname for my brother, Justin).
7. No rain.
8. Music (playing as I type).
9. Getting back to my regular schedule soon!
10. Sobriety
Your turn. Take a moment, think of some simple, yet important things that you're grateful for.
It's the simplest way to turn a crappy day upside down. Just start listing things you're happy to have, or happy NOT to have, and you'll see ... the day will turn around. Go ahead, give it a try the next time you're cranky. :)
There is in fact a different feeling. I feel more secure in who I am, more comfortable in what I've accomplished or haven't accomplished. I am happy where I stand, and that's a great feeling.
While Josh and I were on vacation I thought about many subjects to blog about, but as you've come to expect, i've forgotten them by now. However gratitude is something I think everyone can relate to. I try to find one specific thing to be grateful for each night when I talk to JC. Of course I thank Him for my life, those that I love, our health, a good day, generic things. But I try to zero in on one thing that stood out more than the rest. Birthdays are a good time to look back at what we came from, where we are now, what we've been through to get where we are. So here is a short list of some things I'm grateful for today (no particular order (that'd be insane)).
1. Elinore being a good girl while we were gone on vacation. Seeing her stinky face.
2. Coming home to a clean home, coming home to a home.
3. Our vacation and quality time spent together.
4. All those that took a moment to wish me a happy day yesterday & made me feel special.
5. Dinner with two of my favorite men.
6. Waking up to a voicemail from Quam (my nickname for my brother, Justin).
7. No rain.
8. Music (playing as I type).
9. Getting back to my regular schedule soon!
10. Sobriety
Your turn. Take a moment, think of some simple, yet important things that you're grateful for.
It's the simplest way to turn a crappy day upside down. Just start listing things you're happy to have, or happy NOT to have, and you'll see ... the day will turn around. Go ahead, give it a try the next time you're cranky. :)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Lent has begun
And it hurts. No facebook has turned out to be much harder than skipping my morning cup of coffee. As long as I get Betty (my MINI cooper) past the one and only Starbucks on my route to work, I'm good the rest of the day. Facebook though, that's a whole different level of difficult. I sign on in the morning, check my phone app, look again mid-morning when most of facebook is awake and has made an update that I apparently cannot live without. I check my phone app again, then lunch time ... you get the point, I'm always on my damn facebook account. This has mostly just pointed out what a snoop I am. Of the 250 some "friends" I have, I probably only truly care about 50 of them. That's 200 people I "stalk" and don't truly care about. I look at their wall posts, see new pictures of their kids, and then I sign off my account with some kind of satisfaction. The more I type the sicker it sounds. Damn. Perhaps facebook was a great thing to give up for 40+ days.
Moving on from that, I have an awesome cold. The kind that I can't justify skipping work for because I'm virtually in no pain, it's just annoying as hell. Having no voice, no appetite, and coughing; it's a good time, let me tell you. Well, you know, I'm sure you've been there. And let's face it, if I stayed home I'd just eat away my PTO and become slowly more obsessed with Kelly Ripa (If it's not one obsession it's another), not to mention lose my desk in a sea of paper.
Moving forward again. I've thought about purchasing a hand recorder (no clue if that's it's true title) so that I could actual capture some of my thoughts to blog about. I have these great ideas as I listen to XM and sit in traffic, but with my memory (lack thereof), it is so far gone by the time I sit here. Which, as we know, is only once every 21 days or so. I love putting my words in text, you'd think this would be my obsession. (Light bulb).
Let's see ... what is notable? I missed the Shamrock run due to previously mentioned cold. Honestly, didn't feel too bad about it. Shamrock may be the most overrated race I've ran. There will be no signing up next year unless the birthday girl (Shelly) insists.
I've thought of making a list of 30 things to do in my next decade. There is another social networking website (yes, a new website obsession. Lord I need help) http://www.mylifelist.org/ where you list such things and then share when/ how you achieved them. Maybe that's a stupid idea ... the website part. I'll keep thinking on that one.
Josh recently had 500 days of sobriety. Five hundred days. That is unreal to me, that March will be 17 months!! I look at my family and see how easily alcoholism tore it apart. All the relationships that were once good are now ... different. How quickly life went from being innocent and fun to chaotic and scary. It took love, trust, and safety right from our arms. Without experiencing other diseases, I can't say confidently it's the worst. It's the worst in my world. But Josh's sobriety has shown me that those things aren't all lost, that one can come back from such a place. It makes my eyes wet. My whole being is so proud of him, so happy for him. We have the life we do today, which is a damn good life, because of both of our recoveries. Although mine feels so much slower than his. Although I know Al-Anon has brought me far.
And with that I will close. I've been sitting here for over an hour, most of that time was spent find Mraz videos. Happy Season of Lent. I hope it's going easier for you than it is for me.
Moving on from that, I have an awesome cold. The kind that I can't justify skipping work for because I'm virtually in no pain, it's just annoying as hell. Having no voice, no appetite, and coughing; it's a good time, let me tell you. Well, you know, I'm sure you've been there. And let's face it, if I stayed home I'd just eat away my PTO and become slowly more obsessed with Kelly Ripa (If it's not one obsession it's another), not to mention lose my desk in a sea of paper.
Moving forward again. I've thought about purchasing a hand recorder (no clue if that's it's true title) so that I could actual capture some of my thoughts to blog about. I have these great ideas as I listen to XM and sit in traffic, but with my memory (lack thereof), it is so far gone by the time I sit here. Which, as we know, is only once every 21 days or so. I love putting my words in text, you'd think this would be my obsession. (Light bulb).
Let's see ... what is notable? I missed the Shamrock run due to previously mentioned cold. Honestly, didn't feel too bad about it. Shamrock may be the most overrated race I've ran. There will be no signing up next year unless the birthday girl (Shelly) insists.
I've thought of making a list of 30 things to do in my next decade. There is another social networking website (yes, a new website obsession. Lord I need help) http://www.mylifelist.org/ where you list such things and then share when/ how you achieved them. Maybe that's a stupid idea ... the website part. I'll keep thinking on that one.
Josh recently had 500 days of sobriety. Five hundred days. That is unreal to me, that March will be 17 months!! I look at my family and see how easily alcoholism tore it apart. All the relationships that were once good are now ... different. How quickly life went from being innocent and fun to chaotic and scary. It took love, trust, and safety right from our arms. Without experiencing other diseases, I can't say confidently it's the worst. It's the worst in my world. But Josh's sobriety has shown me that those things aren't all lost, that one can come back from such a place. It makes my eyes wet. My whole being is so proud of him, so happy for him. We have the life we do today, which is a damn good life, because of both of our recoveries. Although mine feels so much slower than his. Although I know Al-Anon has brought me far.
And with that I will close. I've been sitting here for over an hour, most of that time was spent find Mraz videos. Happy Season of Lent. I hope it's going easier for you than it is for me.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Four Weeks
I long for the day that I have my own laptop. Maybe that will make blogging more consistent.
A four week break is really what has me typing this evening; not any particular topic I was hoping to open up about or vent about. Life has been about the same as it ever is, work, run, eat, sleep, and repeat.
I'm looking forward to a little break from that in April when Josh and I head down south for a getaway in celebration of my 30th year.
Oh the things you think you will have accomplished by the time you reach 30, the places you "see" yourself when you're still a decade or more away from the big 3-0. I may not be where I thought I'd be when I came upon my 30th, but that doesn't make my path forgettable. Now I have a better grasp of what I truly want vs. what I "should" want. I know myself better therefore the next ten years should be pretty amazing.
Before I turn 30, there is the challenge of lent. What to give up ...?! I am 90% sure my choices this year will be facebook and coffee. Yikes! Two things I spend way too much time and/or money on. However, I can't see it being anything but a good idea. What are you giving up for lent?
A four week break is really what has me typing this evening; not any particular topic I was hoping to open up about or vent about. Life has been about the same as it ever is, work, run, eat, sleep, and repeat.
I'm looking forward to a little break from that in April when Josh and I head down south for a getaway in celebration of my 30th year.
Oh the things you think you will have accomplished by the time you reach 30, the places you "see" yourself when you're still a decade or more away from the big 3-0. I may not be where I thought I'd be when I came upon my 30th, but that doesn't make my path forgettable. Now I have a better grasp of what I truly want vs. what I "should" want. I know myself better therefore the next ten years should be pretty amazing.
Before I turn 30, there is the challenge of lent. What to give up ...?! I am 90% sure my choices this year will be facebook and coffee. Yikes! Two things I spend way too much time and/or money on. However, I can't see it being anything but a good idea. What are you giving up for lent?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Country Love Song
On my way home tonight I was disappointed in my music options, so I stepped outside of my box and found myself enjoying a song by Brad Paisley called "Then". It was during this song that I realized how if I could pick any genre, I would want my life to be a country love song. They just have a way of making the simplest of things sound dreamy and romantic.
Now, as I type this I have my latest favorite Mraz song playing and it's hard to believe I was able to get the above paragraph out. For as long as I can remember (I know, that doesn't mean much) Josh and I have joked about "our" song, the song we'll dance to one day when we become man and wife; I have found that song. Or, I have found the song I want that to be so very badly. Sadly, Josh can't stand Mraz strictly because I have an unconditional, undying, unstoppable love for him. Yes, it's that serious. In reality, such a song will be chosen days before the dance occurs. But for those who know me, I've dreamt of my wedding since I knew I'd be a princess on that day with a big white dress, hair in curls, and a tiara. I've heard hundreds of songs between then and now that I've imagined dancing to. I've dreamt of it all. I just about had a wedding planned (not literally but in my head) until Josh came around. And then it all slowly started to change. The details fell away and all that matters is keeping what we have, growing and learning, being better individually and together.
*One. Day. At. A. Time.*
Just working on today is hard, it's emotional, and it's raw because it's right this moment, now. Living in tomorrow allows me to worry, to worry about every single detail, even those I have zero control over. Living in yesterday allows me to relive my mistakes and beat myself up for not doing better, not knowing better.
Look at that, country love song to I suck. I'm certain this has an awful tone and for that I apologize. I'm not feeling awful right now. I'm feeling enlightened by how true the words I type are. How easy it is to say I want to live in today, for today, and just today ... but as bedtime approaches I am finding myself thinking about the 100 things that have very little with today.
I have half a mind to delete all these words, but that'd be giving into my isolating tendency. I don't type for you, I type for me. I type to get out of my head what I can't find the courage to put into words and say. You will form opinions of me along this journey, some good, some bad. Most of the things you think about me I have already thought about myself. Today I think I'm growing, even if it's just a baby step, it's in the right direction.
**I live every moment to say
How much I love this day
There are no obstacles in our way
No mountains to climb
Everything that I look at is a blessing
Carrying us to build our very strengths
There's no accidents there's only what is
Go on and ask me then who I am**
Now, as I type this I have my latest favorite Mraz song playing and it's hard to believe I was able to get the above paragraph out. For as long as I can remember (I know, that doesn't mean much) Josh and I have joked about "our" song, the song we'll dance to one day when we become man and wife; I have found that song. Or, I have found the song I want that to be so very badly. Sadly, Josh can't stand Mraz strictly because I have an unconditional, undying, unstoppable love for him. Yes, it's that serious. In reality, such a song will be chosen days before the dance occurs. But for those who know me, I've dreamt of my wedding since I knew I'd be a princess on that day with a big white dress, hair in curls, and a tiara. I've heard hundreds of songs between then and now that I've imagined dancing to. I've dreamt of it all. I just about had a wedding planned (not literally but in my head) until Josh came around. And then it all slowly started to change. The details fell away and all that matters is keeping what we have, growing and learning, being better individually and together.
*One. Day. At. A. Time.*
Just working on today is hard, it's emotional, and it's raw because it's right this moment, now. Living in tomorrow allows me to worry, to worry about every single detail, even those I have zero control over. Living in yesterday allows me to relive my mistakes and beat myself up for not doing better, not knowing better.
Look at that, country love song to I suck. I'm certain this has an awful tone and for that I apologize. I'm not feeling awful right now. I'm feeling enlightened by how true the words I type are. How easy it is to say I want to live in today, for today, and just today ... but as bedtime approaches I am finding myself thinking about the 100 things that have very little with today.
I have half a mind to delete all these words, but that'd be giving into my isolating tendency. I don't type for you, I type for me. I type to get out of my head what I can't find the courage to put into words and say. You will form opinions of me along this journey, some good, some bad. Most of the things you think about me I have already thought about myself. Today I think I'm growing, even if it's just a baby step, it's in the right direction.
**I live every moment to say
How much I love this day
There are no obstacles in our way
No mountains to climb
Everything that I look at is a blessing
Carrying us to build our very strengths
There's no accidents there's only what is
Go on and ask me then who I am**
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Daily Grind
In the last ten days I have easily thought of a dozen different topics, comments, and situations to "blog" about. Yet by the time I get home, unwind, and even think to log on to my account ... they have all left me. So for now I am going to just simply type. I read once that if you can't think of anything to write then you should just write that and keep writing anything that comes to mind, in time you'll get to what you "need" to, what you're suppose to get to. So here we go ... pointless typing to find a point.
I struggle with how filtered to keep my blog. I think this is mostly because I write in a spiral notebook to get out of my head what I don't want to hear in words. But this doesn't necessarily mean others should hear them. Maybe I should try not to make such a decision and just let my fingers decide ... ?
I've also struggled with who to purposely tell about my blog ... it's as if I see it as a secret yet public journal. Hmmmm that may backfire quickly.
Let's just go with life, the facts, my truth ....
As we grow up we get to new stages of the norm, things that the crowd, our group of friends all seems to be doing. This is something I have been familiar with not being apart of but typically ache to be. When high school graduation came and everyone was planning for college, I decided to head straight into the work force. But even knowing this was entirely my own choice, I still wanted that college experience everyone else was talking about. Until Josh came into my life, I felt the same way about marriage. It seems everyone around me was getting a shiny diamond, making a date to commit their lives to one another. Somehow once Josh came along I found this peace in where our relationship was, what we were doing for us, not for anyone else. I happily still feel this way today. Yes, of course I want to get married, but I'm not super anxious about it. The next "natural" step according to society is to having little humans. YIKES! This is one phase I don't relate; remotely. And I almost feel bad for not understanding what it's like to want to be a mother. Maybe this will change as I get further in my own path of recovery and discovering myself. However, I doubt that. One thing I have come to understand more as time goes by is that I don't feel this way because I don't think I'd be good at it or I want all of our income to ourselves. I truly don't feel like being one. How childish does that sound?!
Being an aunt on the other hand, it's about the greatest gift ever! Seeing Brayden and watching him learn about the world around him can brighten my best day.
Although once circumstances change, maybe it'll all change. Bring on the time, because it's all that will tell me.
You know my other problem, I reread what I've typed and start to beat myself up for what people will think or how I'll make them feel.
I am me and I suppose there will be little revealed here that you didn't already know about me. It's just my own denial that I'm that transparent.
I struggle with how filtered to keep my blog. I think this is mostly because I write in a spiral notebook to get out of my head what I don't want to hear in words. But this doesn't necessarily mean others should hear them. Maybe I should try not to make such a decision and just let my fingers decide ... ?
I've also struggled with who to purposely tell about my blog ... it's as if I see it as a secret yet public journal. Hmmmm that may backfire quickly.
Let's just go with life, the facts, my truth ....
As we grow up we get to new stages of the norm, things that the crowd, our group of friends all seems to be doing. This is something I have been familiar with not being apart of but typically ache to be. When high school graduation came and everyone was planning for college, I decided to head straight into the work force. But even knowing this was entirely my own choice, I still wanted that college experience everyone else was talking about. Until Josh came into my life, I felt the same way about marriage. It seems everyone around me was getting a shiny diamond, making a date to commit their lives to one another. Somehow once Josh came along I found this peace in where our relationship was, what we were doing for us, not for anyone else. I happily still feel this way today. Yes, of course I want to get married, but I'm not super anxious about it. The next "natural" step according to society is to having little humans. YIKES! This is one phase I don't relate; remotely. And I almost feel bad for not understanding what it's like to want to be a mother. Maybe this will change as I get further in my own path of recovery and discovering myself. However, I doubt that. One thing I have come to understand more as time goes by is that I don't feel this way because I don't think I'd be good at it or I want all of our income to ourselves. I truly don't feel like being one. How childish does that sound?!
Being an aunt on the other hand, it's about the greatest gift ever! Seeing Brayden and watching him learn about the world around him can brighten my best day.
Although once circumstances change, maybe it'll all change. Bring on the time, because it's all that will tell me.
You know my other problem, I reread what I've typed and start to beat myself up for what people will think or how I'll make them feel.
I am me and I suppose there will be little revealed here that you didn't already know about me. It's just my own denial that I'm that transparent.
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